Mother's Dictionary Forces a Confession

A friend forwarded a newsletter to me from The Irritable Mother. (I LOVE her title, by the way.) It is a website that comments on the trials of Christian motherhood. The founder, Karen Hossink, tributes the list itself to Mother's Day Celebration. She was a speaker at the MOPS group that meets at our church. Sadly, I missed this lecture.

Since I have a toddler who is not truly old enough to be considered a "preschooler" yet, a few of these terms are not part of my life, but they are not lost on me. I see what's looming in the future. But quite a few of them (especially "Sterilize") just made me crack up. What is she doing, spying on my life and then writing about it???

I am very, very lucky to be a stay-home mother. I know how blessed we are as a family that my husband can support the family 100% so that I can stay home and care for these beautiful (but slightly evil) creatures while they are tiny. However, I freely admit that there are times that I would like to hand them both off to the nearest passing stranger without a second glance and high-tail my pale hiney to the Bahamas for 3 or 4 decades. Uh, sometimes I have that feeling several times a day. I have felt guilty about feeling that way, until now. If a Christian mother can publicly post these things and get away with it, I guess I'm pretty normal as far as mothers go. (Shut up, Amy.)

I hope you have a laugh at this list. I'm off to go hug my kids.

Mother's Dictionary of Meanings

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-Minute Warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar-grunting noises.

Whodunit: No one who lives in your house.