Our first attempt at a gingerbread house was...interesting. Fun, yes, but...here are a few thoughts for people/organizations/deities that may or may not be informed about the process.
Dear Wilton: Your claims that the Ultimate Gingerbread House Kit has everything you need to create a gingerbread masterpiece is a joke. You clearly didn't factor in two small children *helpers* when packing the candies and portioning out the Royal Icing. Have you never heard the word "sampling?!?" I should sue.
Dear Just Born, Inc.: Thank you for the creation of Mike & Ike candies. You saved the day. No, seriously.
Dear God: Thank You for giving me the foresight to buy the Mike & Ike's for our gingerbread house decoration process. And thank You also for giving me the necessary strength, patience, and utter stupidity sense of humor to take on this endeavor. And for letting my first attempt at Royal Icing not be a flop.
Dear American Board of Pediatric Dentistry: Just look the other way. Nothing to see here.
Dear Kitchen Floor: ...I'm sorry.
What we were going for.
What we got.
(No awards will be given for culinary carpentry, but we think it's still pretty awesome.)