Monday, November 24, 2008

"Not Me" Monday

It's "Not Me Monday" time. For details on what this is all about, please click the picture at the left. I have noticed a lot of blogs are often very sunny, cheerful, the children are always clean and perfectly-behaved, life is a wonder, nothing ever goes wrong.

Mine is not one of those blogs. I'm going for honesty, folks. Do I love my children? Oh yeah. Am I eternally grateful to be able to stay home with them instead of leaving them in daycare? Definitely. Is my husband fantastic? Of course he is. (He does have fabulous taste in women, doesn't he???) Am I lucky and blessed to be saved, because I have accepted Jesus as my Savior? Absolutely. But is my life sunny and happy and cheerful every day, with my children being perfect little cherubs with their shiny halos, birdies chirping around the house, while flowers bloom out of my butt and sunshine radiates out of every other orifice of my body?

No. Oh, HELL, no. (Sorry, Will Smith, I guess I owe you for stealing your line.)

Which is why I was very happy to find MckMama's blog. She has a hilarious sense of humor and she is HONEST. Unlike a lot of "mommy blogs" I have seen, she tells it like it is. Her children are not portrayed as perfect little geniuses; her life is not portrayed as perfectly productive, fun, and trouble-free; and she is honest about her feelings for her kids (one of which is, of course, a lot of love, but still...a lot of mommies on blogs lie to the dickens about the fact that their kids never seem to drive them nuts. Liars, all of them!) So I have decided to join her. Look for my "Not Me Monday!" posts every Monday. That is, on the Mondays I get my act together to post.

So here goes:

I did not stuff about 1.5 cups of almond buttercream frosting in my mouth this weekend when I made a birthday cake for my friend's son.
I did not complain to her about having to make the cake, therefor causing me to stuff the frosting in my mouth. I most certainly did not offer to make the cake in the first place, so it's her fault, right?

I did not cut myself an extra huge slice of said cake at said birthday boy's party. And I did not make sure that I had part of a frosting clown on my slice, guaranteeing me even more frosting. And when Liesl decided not to finish her cake, I did not scrape the frosting off of her leavings, eat it, and then discard the rest of her cake.

I did not complain to my husband the next morning about my fat behind. And when he mildly brought up the cake and the amount of frosting that seemed to disappear while I was making it, I did not rudely tell him to shove it or I would stick the remaining frosting up HIS behind. Oh yeah, and when he forgot to take the leftovers of the frosting to work with him this morning to share with his buddies on graham crackers, I did not intentionally "forget" to remind him to take it with him.

And when I went out running* this morning, passed the bus stop, and a pre-teen kid in my neighborhood snickered at my cold weather running outfit (grey sweatpants over pink long underwear, grey sweatshirt, bright pink mittens and a dorky headband covering my ears), I did not flip him the bird. **

This afternoon, when my two darling cherubs were asleep for a total of 1.5 hours, I did not ignore all of my housework and desk tasks by vegging on the couch for the entire time. I most certainly did not shove a huge bowlful of brown rice and drink 3 diet sodas while sitting on the couch, and I did not call that "lunch." And of course I did not watch the episode of "Top Chef: New York" that I taped last week. (And they did not kick Jill off for her ostrich egg quiche, especially after Ariane made that disgusting lemon dessert thing. And I did not swear at the TV as a result of that elimination.)

Lastly, I did not wear my fuzzy bedroom slippers all day, I did not eat 2 Weight Watchers ice cream bars in a row, and I did not pretend not to hear Liesl hit her head this evening while I practiced playing violin, just so I could finish Variation D of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."

Now it is 9:00 p.m. I will not hit the freezer for another ice cream bar before bed.

'Night 'night.

* I really did run this morning. Honest!
** If I did flip that kid the bird, which, of course, we all know I did not do, I was wearing mittens so nobody could actually SEE the bird. Except, of course, God.


Cathy said...

Very funny list! I totally agree with you about Top Chef...what's up with them?

Swansong said...

too funny!! lots of poop here i just don't post about it lol i know i have some conservative readers and me mom that read. we have an odd relationship and certain things i just don't want her to know cake is awesome!!! no icing for me though almond flavor ick! srry hbak one handed

Shirla said...

I loved this post, Rebecca! Thank you for the giggle.

The clown cake is darling. :)